my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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