While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
