Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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