he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
