It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
