I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
