i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
