So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
