Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
