is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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