I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If that was your dad, he is hot
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
