my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
