Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
