And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
