I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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