You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
