sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
