erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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