I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
