Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
