You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
