her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
