my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I will be naked everywhere
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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