I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
