she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
