you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
