Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
