3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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