but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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