as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
