Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
