What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
