I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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