I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You have to summon your inner elephant
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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