your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
