dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
do nipples grow back?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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