"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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