I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This is my gift to your gina
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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