If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
