she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
