who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
