I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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