ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
