It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
