did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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