sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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