I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
