every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
