Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
