My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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