If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
